Just a few days ago, as I was tucking him into bed.. Aidan asked, "Mommy, can I have a brother or a sister? I really want one." He sounded so earnest and to made it worse..he started sobbing saying "I feel so lonely. Most of my friends have a brother or sister and I don't have any..". I really felt so crappy and tried to explain to him that it was unlikely that I will be able to have another child and hoped that he will somehow understand me. Then he asked me "Does that mean I will not have any nephews and nieces too?" Man, I was stunned. So I tried to pacify him saying that he will eventually have his own family - his own kids. "But it means my children will not have any cousins!" And he cried harder. And so I took the easy way out. I told him to ask his dad because he was more likely to be able to give a sibling to Aidan than I....Somehow, that managed to calm Aidan down.
It wasn't the first time that Aidan had asked for a sibling but this time round, I could tell that he's quite affected by it. It pains me to know how alone he feels. I had tried before to tell him that as an only kid, we are thus able to give him more love and attention yet this time round, he told me that he is willing to share my love for him with a sibling.
I have to admit, sometimes when i see those lovely photos of babies on my facebook feed, I feel envious and a tinge of sadness too knowing I probably won't have another baby anymore. I keep telling myself that it is for the better this way especially with the way things are yet I can't help but feel bad for Aidan too. And I won't be able to truly understand how he feels too especially having 3 siblings whom I had so much fun with while growing up. I know there's no point now feeling guilty about not having another one whether it was by choice or chance.
Aidan was such an adorable baby...
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Comments
I think it could be tougher for kids in our situation though...he actually asked if I can have another child with YC even though he's fully aware of the situation. I think he's just being hopeful at times yet i cant blame him for feeling this way.
I think as parents, we do face different problems with our kids. It is probably natural for R1 to feel this way especially since he is firstborn and knew what it was like when he had the full love and attention from you two. My sis was like that too. She cried when I was born because she thought my parents would love her lesser as a result.
You could tell Aidan that if he marries someone who has a large family, THAT's how he'll get tons of nieces and nephews and how his kids will get all their cousins! I think he forgot that part :)
You have a good life with plenty who love and admire you. And a nice son too. More importantly, sibling or not, you've given him the best life you can. I'm sure Aidan knows that.
Yeah, Mich was just telling me the same thing. But then as we all know, when it comes to choosing a partner, "having many sibs" arent exactly a criteria one looks for :)
Thanks for your comment. I hope Aidan does know how much we love him.
People used to ask me if I was lonely being an only child and I was like... what does that mean? After all since it's the only state I've known, I had nothing to compare against, plus all my friends were always fighting with their siblings :P
Maybe your parents were able to give you a home environment where you felt completely loved and thus didnt feel that alone?
Mich makes a good point - I'm one such only child who took on the husband's nieces and nephew after getting married :)
Im just need an outlet i guess..Quite tired mentally now to be honest.
Anyway, looking forward to seeing you this Saturday! Havent seen u ladies for a while! Will get to see Mia again too yah :)
Anyway, Aidan actually did broach the subject with his daddy & he said he will try to fulfil his wish so Aidan may actually be able to get a sibling of his own.
Aidan isnt exactly oblivious to the situation but he does try to understand and makes the best of it. :)
Aidan must be a big grown up now!
If you were to have another kid would it be more taxing on you? I'm also an only child I did ask my mum this before and felt really lonely in my primary school days but got over it once I hit my secondary school.
I guess that could be when the social circle gets wider and we start finding close friends and buddies...
I am just curious how you and your ex can still maintain friends? I am in the midst of separation with him. I hate him for the affair and betrayal, so I don't know how to maintain amicable relationship with him..
For me..in the end, it was more of a gradual acceptance on my part that it really doesnt make sense to be hostile and bear that grudge permanently, especially since we have a child, who would be very much affected if his parents cant get along (be it whether they are together or apart). Afterall, he is still an integral part of my child's life and has been a responsible and loving dad to Aidan. Even if we cant be married to each other, we can still try to be good parents to our child. And also, one has to move on no matter what and it's really not gonna help much if one chooses to stay angry and hurt.
I really do hope things will work out for you no matter what..