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..abt the boy..

Aidan threw a mega tantrum yesterday morning. We were both caught off-guard as it had been a while since he'd thrown such a fit.

It was in the morning, just before he was to leave for school. Hubby was driving him there and since I'm on leave (till Wed), I wasn't accompanying them. Was woken up by his cries and immediately went to see what the commotion was about. Aidan was in his room, clutching his precious box of crayons and pens, saying"I want writing test! I want writing test!" (testing of alphabets and numbers - it's a term coined by his grandpa) . Both Hubby and Nenita were attempting to get Aidan to stop doodling but he simply refused. Started to whine initially and it then turned into a full blown tantrum as he began to weep woefully, his face all scrunched up ,tears and mucus flowing non-stop and arms flailing about wildly. Our tries to convince him that he could do his 'test' later when he comes back from school were unsuccessful and when we tried to carry him out of the room, he'll block our attempts by warding us off with his hands and refusing to budge. Lost my patience and grabbed hold of the box of crayons, placed them out of his reach and forcefully carried him to the living room. That made him angrier and he cried even harder..

Hubby, who was running late was getting quite pissed too. Told him to leave without Aidan but before he did that, he held Aidan by his shoulders, looked at him sternly and scolded him after which he chucked Aidan's schoolbag on the floor and left in a huff..Never saw hubby that angry at the boy before..It then dawned on Aidan what had happened and that his dad has left without him. He became distraught, quickly grabbed his haversack, placed it over his shoulders on his own, ran towards the door and started pounding on it crying out "daddy..daddy..want to go school! go school!" ..."daddy daddy..come back!" Quite heart-breaking to see him like that. Called hubby up but by then, he was quite a distance away. The boy refused to be consoled and stayed rooted by the door, calling for daddy while crying so pitifully. I told him I would send him to school instead but that didn't stop his tears..Had no choice, simply left him to his own devices and let him cry it out for abt 15 minutes or so till his voice became hoarse. When i approached him later, he then snuggled up to me,still sobbing and calling for his dad..but much softer..Repeated to him again that I'll bring him to school and that quietened him down.

He was still subdued while in the cab as he laid his head on my chest, sniffing away. But as we arrived at his school, his demeanor changed instantly. He happily got off the cab but not without saying a chirpy "goodbye and see you" to the cab driver..ran towards the school and started greeting the teachers and his classmates. It was like he'd forgotten all that had happened earlier on...*argh*

Later that afternoon, when he came back from school, I tried to explain to him why his earlier behavior wasn't acceptable but he refused to look me in the eye..But he did say sorry a while later. He does apologize when he realises that we are angry (and when he isnt)..

We've not used our hands on him nor do we cane him at all. So far, he hasn' really been punished (think we are considered quite lax with him) but then again, he has not really been *that* naughty. Am still not sure what we should do to instill some kinda discipline. We're not really comfortable with smacking or caning him mainly because we don't want him to learn from example as we may be sending a message that hitting is a reasonable solution to problems. You never know how a child's mind works and I've heard from some moms that it had happened to their kids. Reasoning with him doesn't seem to help though. He's been using his tears to try to get what he wants. Nenita told us that it was how he made his grandparents give in to him all the time..and they sorta spoil him. I guess most grandparents do tend to pamper their grandchildren quite a bit so I don't blame them but I guess at this age when Aidan is testing his boundaries, we have to make sure he learns that he shouldn't be using tears and tantrums to get his way. Next time he does it again, we'll try our best to ignore him and let him cry it out. He has to learn that a throwing a fit doesnt mean we'll pay attention and give in to him..Gotta try to harden our hearts and bear with his cries..But we also have to remember not to lose our cool or over-react..

Man..being a parent isn't easy and it's an on-going learning experience..I know we're still quite fortunate that Aidan doesnt go into his tantrum mode often (hope I don't jinx it by saying this). The last major one was in May which I'd written about here..That's probably why we are kinda gabra when it does happen :P. I've instructed Nenita to hide his box of crayons in the mornings so that he won't clamour for his 'writing tests'. ..It was all peace & quiet today.

Hope Aidan's enthusiasm for tests doesn't wane when he grows older :P

Aidan requesting for 'writing test' *again*

a moment with his granddad this afternoon..

Oh..we finally weaned Aidan off the pacifier.. at the grand ol' age of 2 years 9 months! People told me that it usually takes abt 2-3 days for them to wean off completely. He took longer..abt a week plus! He would whine/cry himself to sleep because we refused to give him his "choo choo"..But fortunately, he has since accepted the fact that he won't be seeing his pacifier ever again and is able to sleep without it..

His 'collection' of pacifiers..~
Wonder what he'll do if he sees this pacifier tree now :)

from ramblinglibrarian's blog

Just wanna share this with all the moms out there..This was in the Aug issue of Young Parents under Mailbox and submitted by Kathie Davis..Just a reminder that our li' ones won't always remain as 'babies' and that their childhood period would soon be just a fond memory to us. We should treasure as much time we have now with them, when they still enjoy our cuddles and hugs.

I was sitting on a bench
while in a nearby mall
when I noticed a young mother
with two children who were small

The youngest one was whining
"Pick me up" I heard him beg
but the mother's face grew angry
as the child clung to her leg

"Don't hang on me" she shouted
as she pushed his hands away
I wish I'd the courage to go up to
her and say...

The time will come too quickly
when those little arms that tug
won't ask for you to hold them
and won't freely give you a hug

The day will sneak up subtly
just as it did with me
when you can't recall the last time
that your child sat on your knee

Like those sacred, pre-dawn feelings
when we cherished time alone,
our babies grow and leave behind
those special times we've known

So when your child comes to you
with a book that you can share
or asks that you would tuck him in
and help him say his prayer

When he comes to sit and chat
or would like to take a walk
before you answer you can't
'cause there's no time to talk

Remember when all parents learn
so many times too late
that years go by quickly
and that childhood doesn't wait

I watched the mother walk away
her children followed near
I hope she'll pick them up
before her chances disappear

Seize other opportunities
if one should slip away
reach hard to get it back
don't wait another day.

from Kathie Davis, Aug issue Young Parents -Mailbox, Page 128

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( 65 comments — Leave a comment )
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Aug. 30th, 2005 07:26 am (UTC)
aww! poor aidan! i know it's really traumatizing for you but just imagining the entire scene in my head, just me smile alittle (he's so cute lah). i guess we can never understand what's going on in a kid's head when he's having a temper tantrum, and you may be right about him testing his boundaries. kinda reminds me of the kid screaming in the bus the other day *bloody little bugger grumble grumble*
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:35 am (UTC)
it's hard(er) to understand when one isn't a parent.. Some pple seem to think it's always the parents fault (and sometimes it's probably more convenient to blame them) when they aren't able to discipline a child.

Wasn't really that traumatising..just feeling kinda impotent..not sure how to react. And it's not that Aidan's able to convey his thoughts to me well enough so we have to second guess him most of the time.

You think Aidan's cute coz u know him *grin*..but if it's some other kid, im sure you would be dying to smack him :P
(no subject) - burbur - Aug. 30th, 2005 07:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - angeliatay - Aug. 30th, 2005 11:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - burbur - Aug. 31st, 2005 01:34 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:28 am (UTC)
Awww. Over a writing test!

And it was so sad how he cried out for his dad eh. Being a parent is scary. *salutes*
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:38 am (UTC)
yeah..the irony of it..over a writing test! Most pple will be so happy NOT to do a test :P

Quite ximtia when i saw him asking for his dad..his writing test all forgotten. He also enjoys school alot so not bringing him there would be like a punishment too.

Not easy being a parent for sure..can now understand what our parents went thru to bring us up. But we all learn along the way i guess..
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:34 am (UTC)
He was probably feeling inspired to write and got all cranky when he couldn't. :) That's a beautiful poem, and a good reminder too.
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:46 am (UTC)
darn..he's been gettin inspired quite often of late..if only he could write my press releases :P

Yeah..thought the poem's beautiful written..simple yet impactful.
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:38 am (UTC)
start an lj for him lor... he can do his writing tests here hahaha...
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:44 am (UTC)
alamak..worse! next time, i'll have him saying "I want computer, I want computer!"
(no subject) - cowie - Aug. 30th, 2005 07:55 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:38 am (UTC)
Hey Aidan can actually write very well and it's good that he shows interest in learning the alphabets. I believe all kids no matter how well-behaved they are will throw tantrums once in a while. The fact that you didn't raise your hand on him is good sign of restraint. I have to constantly remind myself to "take a deep breath and not lose my cool too".

Thanks for the little reminder, so true and I must keep reminding myself!
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:51 am (UTC)
Many a times, i've been so tempted to smack him..but i stop myself. My own parents were used the cane quite freely when i was young and that didn't make me any 'gwai-er'. In fact, i became more rebellious. Think my skin grew thicker too. But again, it doesnt mean i would not resort to smacking or a cane in future..I think it may depend on circumstances..*argh*..dunno what im writing.

Yeah..not easy to remain calm at this time. I think it' worse when in public when you are ard strangers..Sometimes, you gotta ask yourself whether the kids behavior is a problem to you or only in other pple's eyes. Not easy.
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:38 am (UTC)
What a trying time you had! It must still be traumatic for you even now. I guess I have to brace myself for that to happen in the future.
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:43 am (UTC)
yeah..i've been preparing myself for the terrible 2s for quite a while but when it happened, i was still not ready. Me lousy mommy lah..I think no matter how much u read abt it, it's still not that easy to handle.

Again..i still count myself as lucky that he doesn't do it very often..
(no subject) - misawong - Aug. 30th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - angeliatay - Aug. 30th, 2005 09:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - misawong - Sep. 4th, 2005 04:05 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:44 am (UTC)
So poor thing aidan... children at this age is like that, they just started learning all this number and abc so they want you to test him on all this but then after sometime when they grow up to the age of primary school, when u want to test them on your work they will not want you to test them anymore....
Aug. 30th, 2005 07:53 am (UTC)
heh..sad eh! I was hoping he would still be that enthusiastic abt 'tests' when he grows older but im sure it's gonna be different when they start primary school!
Aug. 30th, 2005 08:08 am (UTC)
Wah Aidan sure got a temper too. Glad to know he's so keen on tests!
The peom is so meaningful. thanks.
Aug. 30th, 2005 09:30 am (UTC)
Lotsa pple say..Aidan may look like his daddy but he takes after me in character. When seldom lose our temper but when we do, all hell breaks lose :P

erm..but i was never keen on tests hehe

Aug. 30th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC)
aiyo, the calling out for daddy part at the door so 'ke lian'.

Parenting is definitely an ongoing learning process, we can only stumble along and learn. Each child is different so something that works on other children might not be best for our own. We would be the best person to judge and decide what kind of approach will be most effective and best for our kids.
Aug. 30th, 2005 09:32 am (UTC)
I totally agree with you. As parents, we are the best person to judge and decide on the most effective approach for our kids. Does having no. 2 makes it any easier for you?
(no subject) - debralim - Aug. 30th, 2005 09:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - angeliatay - Aug. 30th, 2005 11:01 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 08:18 am (UTC)
:) all that over a test but it does look like he loves that bonding time with grandpa. Tantrums are just a rite of passage - shows that he is growing up.

Kiddos to Aidan for giving up the pacifier for good.
Aug. 30th, 2005 10:47 am (UTC)
just wondering how long this rite of passage would be..differs from kids to kids i guess. I've seen 5 year old children throwing tantrums before..
But yeah..it will pass and we'll all be relieved :)

heh..at least Ryan didnt need the pacifier..I think i'll wait a while before i wean him off the piggy :P
(no subject) - bbhome - Aug. 30th, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - angeliatay - Aug. 30th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 08:23 am (UTC)
I can just picture him calling out to YC... Feels kinda sad but it's always a fine line when it comes to disciplining kids I think...

Well you can rest assured that his clamouring for tests is probably gonna stop once he goes into Primary School, haha...

That pacifier tree looks scary. O.o
Aug. 30th, 2005 10:50 am (UTC)
yeah..every parent has their own guidelines on how to discipline their kids..there isnt a sure proof formula i guess..

hah..at least give me some hope lah..though im sure that he wouldn't love tests as much later too..

Scary tree eh..but quite interesting story to it. It's from a library at Oslo and parents are able to exchange pacifiers for some library items..probably something they are doing to encourage more pple to visit the library.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 30th, 2005 10:51 am (UTC)
heh..this is only when they are toddlers..Don't tell me u never heard horror stories when they are newbornes..and even more horrific stories when they become teenagers *grin*...

No worries lah! Am sure you guys will make great parents..! At least u will be more prepared..
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - angeliatay - Aug. 30th, 2005 02:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 10:00 am (UTC)
I can totally relate this entry cos Ethan has been throwing tantrum and whinning for nothing. There are times I think I'm really a lousy mum. I still have to say that Aidan is really an easy child since he is a baby. I can't wait for all these to be over.

hey, Aidan looks like a BIG boy in the pix of him asking for writing test :)
Aug. 30th, 2005 10:56 am (UTC)
Oooh..this is a very nice userpic of Ethan!!

Ikwym..sometimes,i do feel that im a lousy mom too.hate to feel so helpless at times. But we really shouldn't feel this way. Not everyone is equipped with the ability to cope with kids when they misbehaves.. and for you, with a newborne child, it is tougher especially when u have to split ur attention..and to make sure Ethan doesn't feel neglected (not saying u are doing so ah!!). At least Peter is a supportive husband and he probably understands what you're going through with Ethan. Parenting has to be a joint affair and not a mom's sole responsibility..

Heh..i thought so too. He looks abt 5/6 year old in that pic!
(no subject) - mummywendy - Aug. 30th, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 30th, 2005 10:14 am (UTC)
Aiyoh, poor thing... what an irony man... getting upset over not being able to do his writing tests... and I sure do hope as much as u that his enthusiasm won't wane! Hahaha.

And that is a really nice piece of writing. It reminds me of Cats in the Cradle.
Aug. 30th, 2005 11:00 am (UTC)
yes..now that you brought it up, it does have some similarities to Cats in the Cradle. I remember listening to the lyrics and feeling sad by it as i could identify with the song..
Aug. 30th, 2005 12:28 pm (UTC)
yupyup i think next time if he throws a tantrum, just ignore him and let him cry. hahaah it works, well it worked for me last time. my parents always do that, so i realised that crying... NEVER works! Damnnit!
Aug. 30th, 2005 01:23 pm (UTC)
wah how long did it take for you to realise it doesnt work *grin*
(no subject) - slumbermydarlin - Aug. 30th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
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