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it's not the end..

Well, a few of you know already..and some of you may have guessed it. I'm currently separated from my used-to-be other half. Yes the bleak state of my marriage does saddens me. I was a wreak for a while but life has to go on .. I'm pretty much okay now. And no point asking whose fault it was cos if we continue to play the blame game, I will be forever stuck in bitterness.

I know some people likes to read my blog because it portrayed a 'happy family' image. Heck, many on facebook voted me as the one who is most likely to "live happily ever after". Hiaks. It doesn't help that I used to post many pics of us during the happier times so we are kinda recognisable. So when strangers started leaving 'warning' messages on my blog and emailing me querying about the state of my marriage (!?!), I wasn't really that taken aback.

Oh well, my life ain't exactly over and I have a least a couple more decades to live. Yeah, sure my self confidence and esteem have been knocked down many notches. But I do have to be thankful that compared to many other women who are in the same situation, I'm actually quite fortunate in many ways. And I have a lovely boy who is my no.1 priority now. The boy has gradually grown to accept the current arrangement and he's happy that he still gets to see his daddy often.

I just gotta get used to being 'single' again. Technically, I'm still married but by the way things are going, the status will most likely change in 3 years time. Some friends have even encouraged me to go for a wild holiday and get myself laid. I know they mean well but it does take time for me to get used to being on my own. Fri nite was interesting. Went out for drinks and ended up (in the words of Tricia) being a samaritan by helping a young bloke (it was his 26th birthday) who had to get a stranger to kiss him in order to avoid drinking copious amt of alcohol. Well, I think he kinda did me a favour 'coz he's the first guy I'd ever kissed that's not my husband since like 12 years ago.It was somewhat liberating albeit it being extremely awkward for me, even though the kiss hardly lasted 3 seconds. I was probably the oldest woman the poor guy had ever kissed (apart from his mother :P). And no, I'm not about to start kissing strangers in every pub I go to in the future. Heh, i actually told Tricia et al not to blog abt it but I'm writing about it all here.

I should learn to relax more and take it easy. Believe it or not, I'm just not a pubbing animal even though I may look like one. My main vice is the fags and probably mahjong (although I've not had the chance to play that for a long time *sob*) so chabors (u know who you are!), let's have a game soon. I don't drink much mainly because I turn lobster red with just a few sips of liquor. Hate that because my super sensitive skin gets splotchy red and I look ghastly and people always think I'm drunk.

Heh, maybe I'll go get that damn nosejob that I've alway said I wanted! Had gone thru 39 years with a pug nose and I would love to see how I look like with a nice sharp profile :P Gah! I'm gonna be 40 soon and I'm not exactly a spring chicken. Well at least my boobs won't sag since they aren't big enough to. I should be doing something to improve my poor dehydrated, pock-marked complexion (my pics are photoshopped!) and I guess my smoking ain't helping it much (yes, yes Pei Fen, I know I should quit).

Life is definitely too short for regrets... wish me well okay :)


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( 173 comments — Leave a comment )
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Aug. 31st, 2008 06:46 am (UTC)
Good on you for taking it so well. Anyway, the nose job! Tell me more! Or you know there's always the fillers..
Aug. 31st, 2008 06:56 am (UTC)
heh, i'm still doing my research. Torn btwn going to taiwan where they specialise in using natural materials (either using ear or rib cartilage.Joan recommends Martin Huang though! Don't think fillers will work for me 'coz my bridge is non-existent.

(no subject) - musomuse - Aug. 31st, 2008 07:54 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 31st, 2008 06:52 am (UTC)
*Hugz* When you write about it, you are starting to recover. Stay strong for Aidan's sake. And u definitely don't look a day over 35 :D
Aug. 31st, 2008 06:52 am (UTC)
Sorry to hear. I imagine it wasn't an easy decision to make, but take care of yourself, yeah? You deserve that much. Big hugs for you and Aidan xxx
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:08 am (UTC)
*TIGHT HUGS* i wish you well and strength. i hope i can be of some help if you need anything.
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:11 am (UTC)
Take care and have faith...

Aug. 31st, 2008 07:11 am (UTC)
thks for sharing and being open about this. I wish you and Aidan well. *hugs*

Would love to hear about the nose job if you really go for it! Heh!
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:35 am (UTC)
yeah..one problem is that if i do plan to go for it, i probably have to take 2 weeks leave (to recover). Not sure whether i can afford to do that!
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
I'm glad that you are okay -- and that you have Aidan :-)

A joke that I'm hoping will make you smile -- I hope, at least! -- Chris Rock does this bit, let me see if I can paraphrase:
"Fellas, you ever catch your woman just *looking* at you? But not saying nuthin'? In her mind she's thinking, 'How did I end up with this ugly m-fer? Oh Lord, this m-fer's ugly and stupid -- Damn, Lord, kill my man! Kill him please! Kill him while I still look good enough to get something new!'"

Well I can assure you, my dear, that nose job or no nose job, you most definitely look good enough to get something new whenever you decide you want it :-)

(And if that was insensitive and illtimed, you can find me under this rock over here... *sheepish*)
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:37 am (UTC)
heh i think that joke probably works better when chris rock does it with his street slang!

and no worries..not offensive at all!
(no subject) - burbur - Aug. 31st, 2008 10:02 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)
I didn't realise that anonymous content has some truth to it. It must have taken you a lot of courage to write this post. I salute you, and hope all will be well.

And of course, you have lovely Aidan!

And, and... to be honest, I really thought you are like one, or max two years older than me! I am 29!

Cool mummy you are.
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:36 am (UTC)
that wasn't the first anonymous comment posted..i'd deleted the others but chose to leave the last one as it is..because I guess I've accepted the situation already..

Aug. 31st, 2008 07:35 am (UTC)
Stay strong... u are never alone:)
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:49 am (UTC)
Lots of respect for you, for writing this honest entry. :)
I'm sure you and aidan will do great, no matter what happens in the future. I wish you two all the bestest and hope you'll continue blogging... haha. :)
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:53 am (UTC)
"Oh well, my life ain't exactly over and I have a least a couple more decades to live". Most definitely so! :) *hugs* And Angie, while your age dictates that you are "no spring chicken", you are definitely one of the hottest yummy mummies I know okay!!
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 31st, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
yes, it does take a lot of effort and both parties' heart need to be in it..or else it would be tough. I wish you the best too..don't give up that easily.
Aug. 31st, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
Hi Angelia, I've been a silent reader of your blog for years (since Aidan was still a baby!). have always enjoyed reading your blog and i think you're one of the coolest mum i've ever 'read' :)

As a frequent reader, i did sensed that you are probably going through a rough patch in your marriage, but it's nice to see that you have many wonderful friends and a lovable boy by your side. And you're right, it's not the end. Stay cool and live your life to the fullest. Wish you and Aidan well! :)
Sep. 1st, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
thanks for leaving a comment..

i think most pple have somewhat suspected that something isn't right. but yes, with friends and family by my side, it really isn't that bad and we'll get by. cheers :)
Aug. 31st, 2008 08:34 am (UTC)
*hugs*! you are strong, this is a compliment, not an encouraging statement. i hope the best will come for you! take care!
Aug. 31st, 2008 08:47 am (UTC)
that's the way to go, woman... you are one damn strong woman and this is the best you can do for yourself and aidan right now. ALL THE WAYYYYYYY!
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