Angelia (angeliatay) wrote,

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it's not the end..

Well, a few of you know already..and some of you may have guessed it. I'm currently separated from my used-to-be other half. Yes the bleak state of my marriage does saddens me. I was a wreak for a while but life has to go on .. I'm pretty much okay now. And no point asking whose fault it was cos if we continue to play the blame game, I will be forever stuck in bitterness.

I know some people likes to read my blog because it portrayed a 'happy family' image. Heck, many on facebook voted me as the one who is most likely to "live happily ever after". Hiaks. It doesn't help that I used to post many pics of us during the happier times so we are kinda recognisable. So when strangers started leaving 'warning' messages on my blog and emailing me querying about the state of my marriage (!?!), I wasn't really that taken aback.

Oh well, my life ain't exactly over and I have a least a couple more decades to live. Yeah, sure my self confidence and esteem have been knocked down many notches. But I do have to be thankful that compared to many other women who are in the same situation, I'm actually quite fortunate in many ways. And I have a lovely boy who is my no.1 priority now. The boy has gradually grown to accept the current arrangement and he's happy that he still gets to see his daddy often.

I just gotta get used to being 'single' again. Technically, I'm still married but by the way things are going, the status will most likely change in 3 years time. Some friends have even encouraged me to go for a wild holiday and get myself laid. I know they mean well but it does take time for me to get used to being on my own. Fri nite was interesting. Went out for drinks and ended up (in the words of Tricia) being a samaritan by helping a young bloke (it was his 26th birthday) who had to get a stranger to kiss him in order to avoid drinking copious amt of alcohol. Well, I think he kinda did me a favour 'coz he's the first guy I'd ever kissed that's not my husband since like 12 years ago.It was somewhat liberating albeit it being extremely awkward for me, even though the kiss hardly lasted 3 seconds. I was probably the oldest woman the poor guy had ever kissed (apart from his mother :P). And no, I'm not about to start kissing strangers in every pub I go to in the future. Heh, i actually told Tricia et al not to blog abt it but I'm writing about it all here.

I should learn to relax more and take it easy. Believe it or not, I'm just not a pubbing animal even though I may look like one. My main vice is the fags and probably mahjong (although I've not had the chance to play that for a long time *sob*) so chabors (u know who you are!), let's have a game soon. I don't drink much mainly because I turn lobster red with just a few sips of liquor. Hate that because my super sensitive skin gets splotchy red and I look ghastly and people always think I'm drunk.

Heh, maybe I'll go get that damn nosejob that I've alway said I wanted! Had gone thru 39 years with a pug nose and I would love to see how I look like with a nice sharp profile :P Gah! I'm gonna be 40 soon and I'm not exactly a spring chicken. Well at least my boobs won't sag since they aren't big enough to. I should be doing something to improve my poor dehydrated, pock-marked complexion (my pics are photoshopped!) and I guess my smoking ain't helping it much (yes, yes Pei Fen, I know I should quit).

Life is definitely too short for regrets... wish me well okay :)
Tags: life
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